is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
