I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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