Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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