So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Randomize