I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
