You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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