guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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