It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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