Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
