The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
