I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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