Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
