so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
