whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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