You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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