see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
