I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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