I feel great
I just peed on a car
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
