bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
