she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
