Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize