its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
