i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
