i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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