I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
