I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
