Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
