margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
