Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
