totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
