wanna go halves on a baby?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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