Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
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