Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
