She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
