As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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