I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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