O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
