somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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