I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize