What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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