im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
