Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize