glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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