I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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