I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
