Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
