I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
