We got so high we made milksteak
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
