Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
