I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
