I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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