So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
