at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
