so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
