My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
