I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
