I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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