I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
