i jhust puked up my retainher.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
