I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
