Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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