I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize