They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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